A Random Monii

Y’know, I can’t decide whether I actually like Facebook. It’s better than Myspace and Bebo in my opinion, I just wish it was more catered to my own tastes. No, I can’t specifically decide what’s wrong with it. I do like the poking though. >_>

I’m busy working out the details of my US Trip next year, which is making me very excited and positive. I’m just not sure that my friends realise what they have gotten themselves into… they are meeting Monii at last. Muahaha….

Yeah, exams are making me a little crazy. How can you tell?

So my aunt is organising New Year festivities. And I have been told that I ‘have’ to bring a date with. Well, let’s look at my options.

B- Nice guy, but I don’t fancy him.

G- I want him, but he’s full of crap 70% of the time.

J- Too old, not interested.

J2- I want him, but he’s in the US

D- He’s cute, but in Canada

M- Very cute, I crush on him… but he’s somehow attached to another girl

Not great options, are they? All I would like is a guy to kiss on New Year’s. Is that so hard to ask? Maybe I should hire an escort.

In other news, lolsecretz had me rolling with laughter at the premise. I’ll be watching it.

I am most reluctantly pleased to report that studying does, in fact, pay. I finished my first Biology paper- and I reckon that I might have actually scraped a pass. There was nothing in the paper I stared at in WTF-ery, at least. The studying helped. Darn.
I still loathe studying. Those brain implants had better come along soon, so that my future offspring don’t have to stuffer this pathetic excuse of bettering themselves.

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Now playing: 50 Cent ft. Justin Timberlake - She Wants It (Ayo Technology)
via FoxyTunes

So I’m halfway through my final high school exams ever (hopefully…provided I pass!). I’m really feeling the strain, as my toughest subject is coming up this week. I loathe and detest Biology with the fire of a thousand suns. All I need to do is pass, but that does, unfortunately, involve studying. I have never studied before in my entire life before these exams. And now, saying that I’ve ’studied’ involves one 4 hour session for one subject, and a 3 hour session for another. Not the best to brag with, but like I said it’s more than I’ve ever done before.

To make matters worse, a local school accidentally handed out the wrong English paper on the day of English Language. Yes, they gave the kids Literature, despite the fact there’s checks in place to stop that from happening. Click here to find media coverage on the mistake (thanks, News24). So the kindhearted matric students at the school decided to spread the leak to their friends. The next day, my Literature exam, I did hear a few kids saying they knew what was on the paper because of a leak, but since nobody told me what was on the paper I didn’t care. But the leak must have got bad enough, because now I have to sit through a rewrite of the Literature paper- 1 day after I was supposed to have finished my finals. Sigh.

Roll on November 23. I’m wanting to party after that. Though, knowing me, a ‘party’ will probably entail curling up in bed and sleeping unless someone can persuade me otherwise.

I have come to the realization today that I still haven’t figured myself out. I hunger not, in honesty, for material wealth. Though I’d love to have more money, it’s not what I truly want. I hunger for things that are not real, for flights of fantasy and my imaginings. For alternate lives, made-up realities. My wants are not grounded in this life, or perhaps not even in the next.

I find myself wanting most the things that could not be in this world. I want magic and flying and all the things I read about, I want to be with people that have never existed, I want to live in a place unlike this reality.

I want to walk in moonlit woods, feeling the wolf I have bonded with pounce his prey.

I want to spy for the king while I dance with the lesser nobility, wearing a glittering gown.

I want to stand to attention on a well-scrubbed deck, swaying as I slowly gain my sea-legs.

I won’t bore you with a million more examples, but I’ve secretly hungered for this all of my life. Maybe all of these alternate realities in my mind are what pushed me to start writing- creating stories isn’t difficult when you have multitudes of lives happening in your head.

If I force myself to think of things I want in relation to this life, however, my want is very simple. I only want people to love me, to appreciate my good qualities and love me despite the bad. This, unlike my complex imaginings, is very plain. But I still hunger for that as badly as I want things that could never be. Often I will find myself with a deep need to get approval from certain people in my life, similar to a young child or a puppy who looks for attention. I can easily find myself in situations where I would do anything for a simple nod or a smile. Obviously, this want is more a weakness than a strength of mine, and I do my best to hide it. I know that these people I want to impress do not think like me, and do not think much of giving their attention to me. The fact that I am willing to do something for this ‘nothing’ makes it very dangerous.

But I can’t help it. I seek affection almost endlessly, though I am careful to hide this as much as I can. Don’t worry too much, readers, I’m not likely to change myself to seek approval- I want people to like /me/, not some fabrication. I’m over that hurdle- in the past I have lied in order to gain attention. I have learned hard lessons in regards to that, and the idea repulses me these days. Even though my lying habit has been killed, my hunger for affection and love remains. Yes, affection and love are different in my eyes. Affection is something you show to something that currently has your favour- a student that scores well in a test because of your training, a pet that sits obediently at your feet, a child that has amused you unknowingly with an innocent comment. It runs no deeper than that interaction, and can quickly be turned aside by some new fancy. Love is different, we all have different definitions of it but by no means is it what I consider ‘affection’.

So perhaps, even though I can’t get those things my imagination desires the most (despite the fact that I won’t let go of my dreams yet), maybe I can find more affection in this world for me. Maybe even love, if I try hard enough.

The Bokke are bringing home the Cup! Go South Africa! The Springboks really kicked ass in last night’s game, and they deserved to win. It’s been crazy over here, with the whole country uniting, flags flying out of car windows and people cheering. I never watch rugby, but I watched the semi-finals (England vs France and SA vs Argentina). SA were a far better team out of the four.

In other news…

I got Portal! A full review when I finish it. I bought the Orange Box, so I also now have Half Life 2, plus Episodes 1 and 2. I haven’t ever played HL (yeah, I’m a little late, I know), but I’ll review that too.

“War, it ain’t nothing but a heartbreaker
War, friend only to the undertaker
Peace, love and understanding
Tell me, is there no place for them today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord knows there’s got to be a better way” - War, EDWIN STARR

My sister has do to an essay in school on the topic of “[Insert Religion Here]: War and Peace”. She chose Christianity because our family is Christian and she thought it would be easiest to do it from her own perspective. It got me thinking on the whole concept of war.

I must admit that I’m enthralled by the idea of war. I even admitted recently that if it weren’t for the harsh physical training and the danger, I’d be thrilled to go and join an army. Living with people, forming a unit under harsh conditions, fighting against A Common Enemy. Conflict is central to the human race, and a war is as much conflict as we can come up with. As a writer the idea intrigues me endlessly.

The gaming industry seems to have an addiction to World War II games- Medal Of Honor, Call Of Duty, Soldiers: Heroes of WWII and Battlefield 1942 come to mind (check out Wikipedia’s “World War II Video Games” page by clicking here. That’s a lot of games). That’s excluding the massive sway counter-terrorist games have held in the last 5 years- Counterstrike and Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six, anyone?

And the gaming industry bosses and me aren’t the only ones- the word is hooked on war. Aside from the obvious War In Iraq, the sole reason I am glad I’m living in South Africa (as we aren’t touched directly by the whole messy business), war is reflected everywhere. It always has been, from the start of time. Your grandfather’s generation played with toy soldiers and your generation plays with virtual soldiers. Or real soldiers.

But is war morally right? Let’s see what the internet says.

Christians seem to be divided in half on this issue. Various parties believe that war can be justified in certain circumstances (The Just War Theory), such as terrorism. The Just War theory believes that war should not involve inocents, and if innocents are getting hurt then people with ‘legitimate authority’ should step in to stop it. It is our Christian responsibility to make sure that innocents do not suffer. As a side note, this includes attacks on unarmed civilian buildings. I’m looking at you, Iraq War.

On the other hand, many bloggers out there believe that war shouldn’t happen for any excuse. They use Bible readings such as Matthew 26:47-53, Romans 12:9-21 and Matthew 5:38-48 to justify this stance, stating that Jesus never condoned violence and neither should his followers. See this article from the National Catholic Reporter, and this article from the Collegian, Missisuri Baptist University.

What do I think? Why would anyone want to hurt anyone else, especially physically? It’s not the ‘Christian’ thing to do, and it’s certainly not the Monii thing to do. Virtual violence, along with many other things we end up doing in games, is good for entertainment and stress relief- but that doesn’t mean that it’s right to do these things for real.

That’s right, ladies and gents. Today, for the first time in my life, studied! Geography, to be exact, as I have my Geog. final exam tomorrow.

And you know what? It wasn’t that bad.  I almost enjoyed it.

While I was on a snack break, I had a banana. And I stared at it. And I thought that the banana was awesome proof that there is a God out there. Because otherwise, I mean, nature was awfully nice to evolve a fruit that requires digits to peel and eat, wasn’t it?  It’s those little moments that I appreciate.

So here it goes.

The Finals are upon me. Tomorrow I start my first matric exam. They’re easing me in slowly with Computers tomorrow and English following, but I’m still nervous. And the studying thing isn’t doing so well.

Sigh.

Tonight I have discovered the following:

• I came first in my grade for English
• I came first in my grade for Drama
• I also won a diligence award
• Decisions made quickly can actually turn out very fun
• People who want to buy you drinks might actually pick a decent drink that isn’t disgusting, and is great for a first time drinker
• You might end up enjoying yourself in a situation you never thought you would
• Drinking without eating first is a very bad idea
• Two drinks can get an Irish girl spinning if she hasn’t eaten first (see above)
• Having a friend who is under the limit drive you home is a very good idea
• Having a kiss moment with that same friend, but not actually kissing, is very confusing
• I owe the party guy in my grade for showing me how to have fun with alcohol involved but still be safe
• It is very hard to type up blog posts while being intoxicated

And that is all, ladies and gentlemen.